Pondering thoughts...

This past week I had my 2nd ultrasound for a follicle check. I go back on Monday for another and she said that I will probably get my hcg shot too. So this week we will be doing the IUI I am sure. I am so nervous, but very excited!

A sweet friend recommend a book for Matthew and I to read. It's called, Hannah's Hope. I am so thankful she shared with me about this book! I am only on the 3rd chapter but I feel like I have such a connection with Hannah! It's really amazing to think that a girl, two thousand years ago felt the same way I do today! I have learned that God had the desire to create new life. He created us in His own image, with many of his attributes, so it is no surprise that we have the same desire to create a new life! So how can it be selfish or wrong to want this? I know I don't deserve this and He doesn't owe me anything, not even an explanation of His choices. God sees the big picture from beginning to end. I can only see my little piece right now. I have struggled the most with jealousy. It seems every time I go to the store or get on facebook someone else is having a baby."A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30 When I read this I felt shameful for letting myself and the devil root so much jealousy and envy in my heart.I felt bad about asking why or how can a girl who is not even married have a baby. She doesn't even realize how much of a blessing it is! But God allows"unloved"women the gift/trial of pregnancy to demonstrate His love to them. Just as God may want to use my empty arms to bring me closer to Himself, god may challenge another woman i don't feel "deserves" a baby with such a gift so that He can ultimately remind her that He is still God. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9